RotoWidow: Gifts for the RotoWidow in Your Life
From the RotoWidow files…
With just two weeks left for holiday shopping, it’s time to think seriously about your gift giving. Are you giving the right present(s) to your RotoWidow? After a year of playing second fiddle to the game of the week, your spouse deserves a gift that says, “You’re my MVP;” “Where you are is definitely more important than where Manny is going to be in 2007;” “You make me happier than Monday Night Football,” and simply, “I love you more than Sidney Crosby.”
So here are some ideas to get you started with your holiday shopping. I know it’s the thought that counts, but if you’ve been a particularly devoted fantasy sports junkie this year, one of these suggestions might be worth considering.
5. A night out at the most expensive, romantic restaurant in town. The key here is not the restaurant; it’s that you must promise to take her when she wants to go. Yes, she picks the date night and no matter if it’s Wild Card weekend or Super Bowl Sunday (of course, she’d never actually do that to you) you have to go. The sacrifice that you’re making is the key to this gift. It will make her stop and think, “Wow, he really does care about me more than those silly guys wearing spandex pants outside in Green Bay. He’d rather be spending time with me than wearing a block of cheese on his head.”
4. A leather designer handbag. This is an investment piece that every girl wants, but can sometimes be hard to justify. You’re reasoning is that at least she’ll have something beautiful and valuable that she adores on her arm when she’s out and you’re at home watching the game. Trips to family outings or social events without you will be less undesirable with her new bag to show off.
3. A flat-screen TV and DVD player. It doesn’t need to be 52″, but it does need to be in a different room than where you watch your sports. Now she has a little retreat where she can quietly enjoy Sex and the City DVDs, while you’re whooping it up over the game of the week in your den. There’ll be no more arguments about the remote either.
2. A trip to a warm, sunny climate. This gift is the perfect way to make up for the time you spent in sunny Florida during spring training. In fact, she may appreciate a solo trip to a spa or retreat. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then make the absence from sports all the more reason to fall in love with you all over again. She’s sure to have heart-felt memories when she’s lying on the beach in Maui.
1. Diamonds. And I don’t mean like the kind that Ray Kinsella made in Iowa. They can be big, but should still fit on a finger, in an ear or hanging around the neck. This present will undo all past roto wrongs and make your RotoWidow forgive all. Heck, she may even be so blinded by the shiny light that she’ll agree to go to spring training with you.