It’s New Year’s Eve. What can that mean? Well, in addition to way too much alcohol being consumed around the world, it’s also time for New Year’s resolutions. And you dedicated Ice Chips readers are lucky — we’ve managed to get a hold of the New Year’s Resolutions for a bunch of NHL players. In short — all of these guys resolve to do better to help out your fantasy team. Will they succeed? Only time will tell…
(Oh, and Gary Bettman wants you to know that something called the Winter Classic is happening on New Year’s Day. Make sure you’re not too hungover to watch it.)
Mats Sundin: I resolve to play as many regular season games in 2009 as I did in 2008. And just as many playoff games. (Note: Sundin hits the ice in about a week. If you’re in Canada, you know the media sensations surrounding his arrival put Miley Cyrus to shame.)
Steve Mason: I resolve to keep putting up shutouts on my way to the Calder Trophy. I also resolve to thank Derrick Brassard for getting injured — it hurt the team, but it cleared my path to the Calder!
Ryan Malone: I resolve to be strong and stop asking Santa — or my best friend Sid — for a new Pittsburgh contract.
Matt Carle: I resolve to play for two less teams in 2009 than I did in 2008 (San Jose, Tampa Bay, Philadelphia).
David Krejci: I resolve to start getting recognition outside of the Boston media. Did you know I’m a point-per-game player?
Brad Richards: I resolve to keep playing the way I did after Sean Avery left, not before.
Chris Pronger: I resolve not to stomp, elbow, slash, or spear anyone in 2009. (Note: What’s the over-under on breaking this resolution?)
Dustin Brown: I resolve to keep shooting the puck. Seriously, some of them have to go in, right? I can’t have a 0.079 shooting percentage forever!
Chris Drury: I resolve to stop sucking.
Scott Gomez: I resolve to stop sucking also.
Jaromir Jagr: I resolve to stop laughing at Drury and Gomez while they suck.
Teemu Selanne: I resolve to put up some even strength points (13 of Selanne’s 14 goals were on the power play). I also resolve to stop stabbing my leg with my own skate. Whoops.
Marty Turco: I resolve to get my GAA below 3.00.
Vesa Toskala: I resolve to not be worse than Marty Turco.
Jose Theodore: I resolve to not be worse than Turco or Toskala. Hey, I made out with Paris Hilton!
Mike Smith: I resolve to keep putting up Vezina-quality numbers even though my defense is about as threatening as Sesame Street.
Marian Gaborik: I resolve to stay healthy and put up great numbers…for a team that’s not the Minnesota Wild.
Maxim Afinogenov: I resolve to offer more fantasy value than an issue of Maxim magazine.
Rick DiPietro: I resolve to have surgery on every other part of my body that hasn’t already been operated on. Anyone got a spare groin or hip I could borrow?
Jonathan Cheechoo: I resolve to be good for the entire calendar year of 2009, not just the second half of the season like I did in 2008 and 2007.
Devin Setoguchi: I resolve to not lose my spot alongside Joe Thornton to a resurgent Jonathan Cheechoo.